3. Intense Interpersonal Relationships – The Tug-of-War of Affection and Alienation
It’s natural for everyone to seek meaningful connections, but for someone with BPD, this quest can become a consuming passion. There’s often an intense desire to bond, coupled with an equally intense fear of abandonment. This dual feeling turns relationships into an emotional tug-of-war, creating an almost unsolvable paradox.
In relationships, people with BPD often exhibit a push-pull dynamic. One moment they might idealize their partner, placing them on a pedestal as if they can do no wrong.
The next moment, they’re completely devaluing the same person, attributing malicious intent to ordinary actions. This polarized view turns relationships into a chaotic whirlpool of emotions, leaving both parties feeling drained and confused.
Let’s delve deeper into the abandonment issue. The fear of being left alone can trigger extreme reactions.
Something as simple as a missed phone call could be interpreted as a sign of impending doom. This fear leads to behaviors like constant texting, emotional manipulation, or even stalking, all done in a desperate bid to avoid the dreaded feeling of being alone.
On the flip side, there’s often a struggle for emotional independence. The person with BPD may realize the intensity of their emotional dependency and swing to the other extreme by distancing themselves. This distancing can be emotionally and sometimes physically abrupt, leaving their partners in a state of perpetual uncertainty. (3)
